In this Strawberry Letter, a young woman writes in with a concern about a 41-year-old man she is dating. He doesn't like how she dresses. He feels as though she dresses to get attention from other men and that she doesn't represent a "wholesome woman." Being that she's only 30, she doesn't see a problem with "wearing a top that shows a little stomach or a dress that shows off [her] curves."
Take a look:
Dear Steve and Shirley,
I am a 30-year-old single woman without any children and I am dating a 41-year-old man that has 3 young daughters. We’ve been together for 5 months and all of a sudden, he does not approve of how I dress. He told me that I dress as if I want attention from other men and not like a wholesome woman. I am a full-time legal assistant at a popular law firm and I take law classes at night. At work, I am in heels and pencil skirts, and on the weekends, I dress for whatever the occasion is and it’s my own personal style. I have a beautiful, curvy body and at my age, I don’t see the problem with me wearing a top that shows a little stomach or a dress that shows off my curves. He didn’t have a problem with how I dress when he met me, but now he has been talking about it nonstop. I recently met his daughters and I was dressed appropriately, in jeans and a sweatshirt. He still said that I need to do a better at presenting myself in a more wholesome manner. When he and I met, it was not wholesome, so why does he want me to seem wholesome now? I never intended to be a role model for his children. He says he wants me to be more like his friend’s wife and that’s all fine and good, if I were an older, stay-at-home mom. But I’m not. Why is he bringing this up now and trying to change me? I am at the point where I want to settle down and he could be the one, but obviously, I’m not the woman he really wants. Could this be a deal breaker? Please advise.
It's not like she's walking around butt-naked and letting it all hang out, so what's the real problem here?
If you ask Shirley and Steve, this may be a red flag to an even bigger problem.
Take a listen: