Subject: Sexual Expectations
Dear Steve and Shirley,
I’m a 33-year-old woman and I’ve been in a relationship for a year with a man that sends me mixed signals. We haven’t had sex because he’s the assistant pastor at church. I was a very sexual person before I met him and it’s hard for me to lie next to him without wanting to rip his clothes off. He decided to compromise so that I can get some kind of satisfaction. He allows me to provide oral stimulation to him whenever I want. I know that sounds crazy, but it has helped me. After the first couple of times, I thought maybe he would return the favor to me. He told me that he doesn’t do that. I asked him what’s the difference in saving his soul, if he allowed me to ruin mine? He went into this whole long rant about scripture and I still don’t understand what part of the Bible he was referring to. He loves for me to walk around without clothes on so he can look at me. I’ve never seen a man that is as strong willed as him. He expects me to take showers with him and he spoons with me every night that we spend together. I can’t rest most nights because I want him so bad. I think it’s some kind of test and he wants me to pass but I had a come to Jesus meeting with him this past weekend and now he’s pulled away from me. I told him I have sexual expectations and he reiterated that he isn’t having sex before marriage and our relationship is too new to tell if we’ll end up together. I told him to let me know when he figures it out and until then, my mouth is off limits for his lil “friend.” He got upset and he’s pulled away. Was I too forward with how I said it? What if he’s the one for me and I messed it up? Please advise.
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