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This dude is always at my house

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Dear Steve and Shirley, 

My wife and I have been married for 5 years. I am in the National Guard and I got deployed earlier this year. Anyway, my wife has a male friend that she went on a blind date with before we met. She had told me that nothing happened and they didn't feel a spark at all. She is still friends with him. Before I left for my deployment, he asked me if it bothered me if he spends time with my wife and my children while I’m gone. I told him no. When I first left, I hardly called my wife. Recently, I started calling more and she gets upset when I call. Her friend is constantly over at the house again and when he is there, she won't talk to me. So, I started talking to an ex-girlfriend and things happened that shouldn't have and my wife found out. It’s lonely being deployed so I wanted to talk to someone. My wife has never forgiven me for what I did. Now my wife’s friend goes out with her and the kids all of the time. He is staying overnight at my house and if he isn't staying all night, he doesn’t leave til 2 or 3am. I have told my wife that I don't like this at all. I have told her that he wants more than just a friendship. It’s not my wife that I don't trust, it's him. Am I wrong for thinking something is going on? Would I be wrong if I call him and tell him that he needs to respect the man of the house? 

Please help.

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