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The Strawberry Letter: What Was She Doing While I Was Gone


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Subject: What was she doing while I was gone?

Dear Steve and Shirley, I’m a 33-year-old black man, married for 9 years. When I got married, I was young and still in the streets. Over time, I got an associate’s degree and I got a job in a position of leadership. But I was still hanging with the same crew and I got caught up and ended up in jail. A friend of mine asked me to drive him to the liquor store so I did. He went in and came out and we left. I had no idea that he had committed an armed robbery until I was arrested for being a getaway driver. My wife had just had our third son but she held me down because she knows I’m not a bad guy. I did my time and I got home six months ago. I listened to the radio show while I was locked up and this is my favorite subject, so I’m trying to see if you could help me. My wife is a lot different since I got home. She dresses differently and she smokes weed, which is legal in our area. She dictates if and when we have sex and she rations out money to me. I feel as if I can’t say anything because of what I put her through while I was locked up. We were watching TV the other night and her phone rang and she left the room to talk. I didn’t say a word. The next morning, she got a call and I could hear that it was a man on the phone. She talked for about 3 minutes and as soon as she hung up, I told her she has a lot of nerve, allowing men to call her while she’s home and there is no way this can continue. She told me to hush and be glad I still have a home because her friends helped her out by doing things in and around the house while I was away. I asked her what “in and around the house” meant and she ignored me. I have to keep cool and not explode on her. What’s the best way to approach it