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The Strawberry Letter: Is She My Queen or My Narcissist?


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Subject: Is she my queen or a narcissist?

Dear Steve and Shirley, I need your advice. I’ve been dealing with this woman for 10 years. I am 48 years old and she is 45. When I first met her, I fell in love quickly and I thought she loved me. She said all the right things, like she wants to spend the rest of her life with me and buy a house with me and so on. We’ve always talked about marriage, but as time went on, she changed. Now we don’t discuss marriage anymore but we did buy a house. Things went crazy after that and I don’t know if I’m living with my queen or a narcissist. She criticizes everything I do and she blames me for everything that goes wrong in the house. She yells at me all the time, even in front of company. She doesn't like to be questioned about anything and she doesn't take accountability for her faults and more importantly, she never gives me props on sex anymore. She tries to control everything and I’m trying to remain respectful no matter how she treats me. I find myself always apologizing just to keep the peace. I have started packing my belongings so I can leave. I’m not married to this woman but I loved “us” together and hoping and praying that we can work things out. I asked her to go to counseling and she said that wasn’t a very manly thing to ask a woman. My purpose in life was to meet this woman’s every need but now I want to swing on her and that’s not a comfortable place for me to be in. In a last-ditch effort to please her, I got a chef and a masseuse for Valentine’s Day and she said the food was salty and the girl didn’t massage her deeply enough. Should I tell her I want out or should I go without saying a word? I’m so torn and it's a life-changing move so I need your advice on what to do.