Subject: Where do I fit in with his friends?
Dear Steve and Shirley, I recently married the man of my dreams and I love everything about him, except his female friends and his ex-girlfriends. This man is friends with everyone from his past and before we got married, his house was party central. He slowed it down when we got serious and he changed his phone number to show me that he was serious about being a one-woman-man. He still allows an open-door policy for his friends and I can’t complain because he’s such a great person. The only problem I have is that he is too available for his female friends and they think we’re all a big family and I’m their sister-in-law. I have politely corrected them for the past 3 years and they complain to my husband that I’m too stand-offish and brash. So, a couple of weekends ago, we had a crawfish boil for my husband’s birthday and I worked my behind off to get the food and prepare the house for the kickback. One of my husband’s female friends called and asked if she could bring the birthday cake because her mom makes my husband’s favorite Italian cream cake. I told her thanks, but no thanks. On the day of the party, not only did she bring the cake, she brought her mom. Her mom pulled me aside and told me that I am going to run my husband off with my attitude and I need to stop trying to shut his girlfriends out of his life. She said she came in peace, but I was crushed. I wasn’t expecting that and I tried to get through the rest of the festivities. I felt out of place in my own home and I told my husband about it after everyone left. He apologized and held me tightly, but then said he can’t argue with old folks’ wisdom. How can he agree? I feel like the outsider here. Are my feelings valid?