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The Strawberry Letter: I Wish I Enjoyed It As Much As He Does

Dear Steve and Shirley,

I'm dating a man that has all the things a man is supposed to have. He's handsome, he's in shape, and he loves the Lord. The fact that he can't keep a job is another story, but I'm being patient until he finds a job that he loves. He's 37, and I'm 39. He has two children, and I have one child. I'm willing to make all of the necessary adjustments to be with this man, but he's got to do some things for me too.

Our sex life is lacking in a major way – it's the size and the technique. I've learned over the years that if the technique is great, then the size doesn't really matter. I've made more than a few recommendations to him, and he won't take any of my advice. He thinks he is the man in the bedroom, and I'm not into faking anything, so he's built up this confidence all on his own, and it's funny to me. We've been together for three years, and instead of getting better, it's getting worse.

He works up a sweat, talks all the way through it, and he's even stopped to wipe his head with a towel a few times. Meanwhile, I'm thinking of my ex-boyfriend the whole time. When we're done, he's got a burst of energy and he cooks breakfast or a full meal, depending on what time of day it is. He buys me gifts and tells me I'm the best woman he's ever been with, and I wish I could tell him the same thing. He's great, but the intimacy is trash.

How important is great sex in America in a relationship? Is it a small sacrifice to make if the man is good at everything else?