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The Strawberry Letter: He Is Not Meeting My Basic Needs

Dear Steve and Shirley,

I've been married for seven years, but we are separated. My husband saw text messages and pictures I sent to another man, and he didn't try to work things out with me or see why I was involved with someone else. I have had a boyfriend for a few months, and he is a great lover and an excellent provider. I don't have to ask for a thing or lift a finger when I'm around him; he knows how to treat a woman. My husband, on the other hand, would get upset and call me trifling if I asked him to put gas in my car or wash it for me. He didn't care if I was happy with our sex life or not; he only cared if his needs were being met. My boyfriend has me meet him at the gas station once a week, and he pumps my gas. He also looks me in the eyes during intimacy and checks on me to make sure I'm having a good time.

I brought all of this up to my husband, and it only made him mad. He told me I can keep my boyfriend because he's divorcing me. After two weeks of having the house to myself, I got lonely and decided to ask my husband if he would like to talk to someone and try to get our marriage back on track. He agreed, but counseling didn't work because we went to a Christian woman who had been cheated on and mistreated by a few men. She took my husband's side and told him he did right by leaving me.

Look, I know I'm wrong, but I'm not going to shortchange myself and be miserable, especially now that I know what being with a real man is like. My boyfriend wants me to file for divorce, but I want my husband to file so I won't be the bad guy. Is my marriage really over, or can we work past this?