Dear Steve and Shirley,
I've been married nine years and this man is a trip. If we're around other people, he calls me sweetie or bae. If we're at home, he calls me by my first name or my maiden name. If I lean over to kiss him at home, he tells me to stop with all of the mushy stuff. But the minute we're out with friends, his hands are all over me.
So, I guess you're asking why I'm worried. If he does public displays of affection, it bothers me because it's so different. At home, I have sex whenever he wants to have sex, but all of the romance is out of it.
I have a twenty-eight-year-old son from a previous marriage, and he and my husband are close. My son told me that my husband advised him not to get married until he's fifty because it's downhill after that. I can't ask my husband what he meant by it, because my son told me I better not say a word.
I did have a talk with my husband about getting the spark back into our marriage, and he said he'd be happier if I stopped shopping. I told him to try again, because that's not going to happen. I told him we could stop going out to eat so much. He said he'd help me with all the cooking, so he has dinner ready throughout the week.
We've had Sloppy Joe's, hot dogs, cheesesteak sandwiches, and a lot of spaghetti lately.
I can't keep doing that, but I also don't want him to feel like I'm not appreciative. The other night, when we were out at a party, he told our friends that we have romantic dinners at home during the week, compliments of him.
How can he be sweet when we're in public, and tart when we're at home? Could this be a lull in our marriage or a phase that I don't know about?
Please help.